I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
