i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
