dude i'm inner monologue high
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
