I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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