Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
