It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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