when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
