He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
