my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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