i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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