Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
