its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
