what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
