Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize