the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I need water and some morals
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
