My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
