I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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