I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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