that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
