If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
