i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Randomize
