also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
