just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
