I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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