it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
