she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
