and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Welp...herpes.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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