One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
