An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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