I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
