I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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