i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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