I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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