i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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