I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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