I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
