i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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