You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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