we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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