I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
