she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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