i think i have two assholes
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
