be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
