Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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