You're so nebulous sometimes
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
