end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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