I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
