Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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