My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
