And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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