Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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