I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
