ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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