She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Acid is not a monday night drug
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
