I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
