he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
