better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
