saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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