I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize