I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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