Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
