Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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