drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
