i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
