I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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