Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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