I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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