I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
