$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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