i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
