dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
