WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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