I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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