"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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