You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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