dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
