My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
