I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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