Sponge bath it is.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
