He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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