so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
