i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
