Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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