no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
