I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
