Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
