your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
