omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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