This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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