I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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