So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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